Justin Bieber recently spoke to Complex magazine about his views on Christianity and his bad boy rebellious nature. In the interview, Bieber gave some interesting perspectives, including the following quote on what it means to be a Christian: “Like I said, you don’t need to go to church to be a Christian. If you go to Taco Bell, that doesn’t make you a taco.”
We have Taco Bell’s response to Justin Bieber’s claim that going to Taco Bell does not make you a taco.
Corporate Offices of Taco Bell Corporation Company
89 Taco Bell Lane (next to the McDonald’s)
Taco Bell City, American Mexico, USA 17985.5
Dear Justin Bieber,
You recently said that going to Taco Bell “doesn’t make you a taco.” We want to take this opportunity to sincerely thank you for bringing up our company in your interview, Justin. We at Taco Bell really appreciate your cool shoutout. Unfortunately, it seems that you were wrong about one thing in your statement: going to Taco Bell does, in fact, make you a taco.
Here’s a little known fact: everyone who walks through our doors here at Taco Bell automatically turns into a taco. Yes, it’s weird, but for the past few weeks, we’ve been noticing this strange phenomenon. People show up outside of our Taco Bell doors as humans, and then enter and magically turn into tacos.
As you can imagine, this is making it very hard to maintain employees. We keep hiring people to work the registers and kitchen, but the moment they walk through the Taco Bell doors, POOF! They turn into tacos. Honestly, it’s becoming difficult to differentiate the food from the employees. So confusing! Our bathroom cleaners — who are just walking, cleaning tacos at this point — are spilling Fire Sauce all over the toilet seats instead of cleaning it up, which has led to some very unfortunate “hot-sauce-in-genitals” situations.
Yesterday, a man came into our Elm Ridge Strip Mall location in Rochester, NY, and he immediately turned into a crunchy treat stuffed with delicious ground beef, lettuce, and a delightful blend of shredded cheese. Why did he not turn into an upgraded Taco Supreme? I could not tell you. But he did have a delicious Nacho Cheese Doritos Locos Taco shell, so that’s a plus.
But here’s the bad part: when he left the store, a woman grabbed that delicious taco man and ate him. That taco man screamed in pain as she crunched through his Dorito-flavored skin. It was truly terrifying. I did not intervene because only an insane person would come between a hangry woman and her taco.
We at Taco Bell haven’t been able to figure out why people are turning into tacos. We also haven’t been able to figure out why people have not been turning into burritos or Quesaritos. We thought at first it might be because those food items don’t have crunchy shells, but then we realized that people were turning into both hard and soft tacos — so it’s clearly not about the shell. Hmm. The taco mystery continues.
Anyhow, we’re kind of concerned about the whole thing, and since you serendipitously (or not?) brought up Taco Bell in your interview, we figured we’d see if you have any information that could help us solve this taco mystery. Please give us your knowledge, Justin. We need it.
Thanks again for mentioning us in your interview! And come on by for a taco sometime — on us! Disclaimer: offer is only good for one (1) Crunchy Taco, at participating locations. Just make sure you use the drive-through.
Taco Bell CEO and Doritos Cheesy Gordita Crunch Taco (500 calories)