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July 19, 2012

A therapy session: Batman? What's the big deal?

            Some therapy deals with things we’d like to be.  I’d like to be rich, famous, and good looking, but I digress.  Everybody wants to be a superhero.  Some want to be Spiderman spooging white webbing from their wrists (I’ve done it using my hands, but that’s another story), some want to be Superman, x-ray vision, ‘nuff said.

            Superheroes are big dollars nowadays, right?  Batman was filmed in Pittsburgh bringing big bucks and big buzz to the ‘Burgh.  Of course, Batman isn’t a real superhero. He has no superpowers! Why the fuck would you want to be Batman?

            Everyone has their favorite superpower. Strength is a favorite, but if you’re not careful you could hurt yourself whacking off!  X-ray vision? Nice thought, but some people are better off hidden by their clothes, and you could hurt yourself whacking off.

            Just as an aside; does x-ray vision work on the person with the x-ray power?  When you look at your hand do you see flesh or bone?  Does that make it difficult to find your penis to piss, unless you have a boner?  Trust me that’s no fun.  How do you sleep? You close your eyes and what? You see the ceiling? Space?  If your girlfriend is naked, do you see bones?  Talk about a weird fetish.

            Anyways, as I have gotten older I’ve decided that invisibility would be the power I would want to have.  In fact, I even gave the Batman people a script about the superhero I would be, Dream Lover.

            Dream Lover would go from bad girl to bad girl, sneak in their rooms and while they are asleep and dreaming; and have sex with them.  As their dream would be so real, they would believe that they could land the guy of their dreams. Thus I would be turning them away from a life of slutiness, abortions, unwanted kids and marriages. Look I’m saving lives here.

            Hmmmm . . . waitaminute.

            I’d be invisible to the lady.

            She’d think she was having sex with someone else while I’m doing her.

            She’d wake up, not knowing I was around and go after the man of her dreams.

            Shit! I’m already the Dream Lover!! I just wrote my fucking autobiography and I don’t even have the power of invisibility.  I have no superpowers.

            Fuck! I’m BATMAN!!!!