Wapner. Brown. Mathis.

These giants, these selfless heroes are just a few of the public servants lucky enough to defend our rule of law on a televised courtroom set. I, too, am humbled to be included in this highly select group of some of the smartest, warmest, most hard-working quasi-jurists I’ve ever met in my 73 years. And I’ll be damned if some failed politician marches her muddied, ignorant boots all over the impeccably reputable organization for which we’ve all given our life blood.

Sarah Palin’s alleged new show MUST be stopped: nothing less than the very integrity of the fake courtroom is at stake.

What makes America the greatest country in the world is our robust reality-based judicial system. Anyone, regardless of race, class, or gender will have his or her day in a room dressed up to resemble “court,” assuming their crime is petty and the producers think it’ll make good television. When we begin letting people judge us without legal experience let alone an ability to speak in complete sentences, this entire system starts to break down.

What’s next? Judge Geico the Gecko? He’s not even an American citizen!

Honorable. The word that precedes our names when the bailiff calls us in after the director yells “action.” Through years of law school, clerkships, genuine legal experience, we’ve earned the right to be associated with that word, and thus earned the right to become fake judges for profit. Ms. Palin thinks she can just skip the step of being the real thing and go right to becoming the fake thing for financial gain. That’s not only unethical, it’s un-American. It’s a slap in the face to the entire fake judicial community.

If only we had a fake Senate, with a fake Mitch McConnell, who just sat around pretending to legislate but actually just made insane amounts of money off of real people’s misery, I would implore them to block Ms. Palin from appointing herself a fake judge. But that’s hogwash. This is reality. And the only thing that can stop Sarah Palin from donning black judge’s robes that I bet are going to be leather because she’s some fucking cowgirl, is you.

Take a stand. Refuse to watch her mockery of the television justice system. And, while you’re at it, watch my show instead, every weekday at 4 p.m. EST. Because if I’m guilty of anything, it’s being goddamned entertaining.

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