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October 28, 2012

How I plan on becoming a guru.


I think I could totally be a guru, and a really good one too. Not like a guru who helps you with love or helps you find yourself or helps you to be a better person though. I probably wouldn’t be the best at that. At least, not enough to be a guru. Actually, I think I just like saying guru. Guru. Guru JonJon. It has a certain ring to it.

So I’ve been thinking about this for about ten minutes now and I think my calling would be to be a pizza guru. The Pizza Guru JonJon. I’ll help pizza become the best it can be. I’ll get all up in the pizza’s mind and teach it to be free and beautiful. I’ll show the pizza the way to enlightenment. Also, I’ll help people enjoy pizza as much as possible by teaching them breathing techniques and introducing them to TUMS (if needed). I would totally fucking run shit as the Pizza Guru JonJon.

One thing though, I really don’t want to grow all my hair out and have a really big beard. I don’t want to be bald either and I don’t want to have to wear robes or talk really funny. That wouldn’t be cool and it would take all of the professionalism out of it for me. Another thing, I don’t want to have to listen to any certain kind of music that I don’t like or play any musical instruments. That shit just ain’t baller to me.

Pizza Guru JonJon. The end.