You Might Be Drunk If:
You are amazed by the number of identical twins out tonight.
That pavement sure looks comfortable.
You would have wet the bed, had you made it to bed.
Wishing someone a good day elicits a look that is one part quizzical, one part horror and one part disgust.
All you can see are a policeman's shoes.
That's not exactly how you planned to get to the bottom of that staircase.
Strangers offer you unsolicited medical advice, like: “Dude, I think you're gonna need stitches.”
Peeing into a deep fryer seems like a good idea.
You fight with the ambulance crew.
You think people find you entertaining.
You enjoy watching other people play football on TV.
You're naked, humping a stuffed giraffe in a toy store at the mall.
You punch out a self-serve gas pump.
You get kicked out of K-Mart.
That sheep was definitely coming on to you.
You know you are going to puke, you just don't know where.
That tattoo is gonna look so bitchin'.
Someone convinced you to drink anything from a tube attached to a funnel.
You thought you were home playing Grand Theft Auto until you found yourself in arraignment.