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August 12, 2010

"It's a job that requires extreme attention to detail, patience, and a rapists intuition," says Sergeant First Class Mike Calahan

'Juggs Friday' Welcomed By Students

Special Ops Training - Ft. Bragg, NC (CHN):
Sergent First Class Mike Calahan has been training sharpshooters for more than 16 years for the U.S. Army and has always maintained a 'Get'r Done' attitude along with a healthy dose of paternal mentoring .

"It's a job that requires extreme attention to detail, patience, and a rapists intuition," said Calahan to CHN as he prepared Friday morning's drill with the students. He continued, "I've had a great group this year so today we are going to reward them with some long distance hooter spotting; a little 'tit for tat' as we say in the sniper business," informed Calahan.

Staff Sergeant Damon Sterling set the target area of World Gym, a well known location for the release of sweater kittens in the Fort Bragg area. The Gym's entrance was well within site range of the Officers Mess Hall roof using the standard issue Bushnell Tactical Scopes.

"Spotters have suggested that we focus on the front doors of the gym along with the East parking lot area between Jamba Juice and Penguins Yogurt.

Monitoring those two hot spots should give us the highest fun bag count possible for any location between Chapel Hill and Raleigh" according to Sterling. He added, "Boobs Mcgee will have a hell of a time getting by undetected."

While the Army's M40 standard issue rifles were not loaded, the new laser training attachment allows for a simulated weapon discharge up to 800 meters. Calahan believes that his students should have no difficulty blasting bra buddies at 100-400 meters and neck squeezers up to 800 meters. "I once nailed a set of milk makers at 885 meters and I want that for my students," said Calahan as he scanned the periphery for chimichongas.

Last year the class was rewarded with a viewing of Mark Wahlberg's 2007 film "Shooter" which featured actress Kate Mara. Outside of Mara's wacka wacka's being visible through her white shirt the movie was reportedly a snooze-fest.

Other boob references mentioned to our staff that was omitted for professional reasons:

Air Bags, Astries, Baby Feeders, Bazookas, Ball Busters, Bangalopes, Bazooms, Beacons, Beanbags, Bebops, Betty Boops, Big Boppers, Bikini Stuffers, Billibongs, Blinkers, Bombers, Bombshells, Bon Bons, Bongos, Bonkers, Boobers, Boobies, Boobs, Boppers, Bosom, Boulders, Bouncers, Bra Buddies, Bra Stuffers, Breasts, Bronskis, Bubbas, Bubbies, Buds, Bulbs, Bulges, Bullets, Bumpers, Bumps, Bust, Busters, Busties, Butterballs, Buttons, Caboodles, Cams,Cannon Balls, Cantaloupes, Carumbas (Ay), Cha-chas, Chihuahuas, Chiquitas, Coconuts, Coco Puffs, Corkers, Cream Pies, Cross-Eyed Canisters, Cuhuangas, Cupcakes, Dinghies, Dingos, Dirigibles, Doorknobs, Doozies, Double-Whammies, Dueling Banjos, Dumplings, Dunes, Ear Muffs, Eclairs, Em (i.e. Put 'Em' On The Glass), Eyes (As in 'She has nice eyes'), Face Slappers, Flapjacks, Flappers, Flesh Bulbs, Floaters, Fog Lights, Fried Eggs, Fuck Utters, Fun Bags, Gagas, Garbos, Gazingas, Gazongas, Glands, Globes, Globlets,Gob Stoppers, Gongas, Goombas, Grapefruits, Gran Tetons, Grillwork, Guarded Goliaths, Guavas, Gum Drops, Hand Warmers, Handsets, Happy Fun Balls, Head Lamps, Headers, Headlights, Headphones, Headsets, Hefty Hippos, Heifers, Hemispheres, Hills That Pay The Bills, Hindenburgs, Honeydews, Honkers, Hood-Ornaments, Hoohas, Hooters, Hot Cakes, Hottentots,Howitzers, Hubcaps, Huffies, Humdingers, Hush Puppies, Hypnotizing Hoots, ICBMS, Jacket Blasters, Jail Babbies, Jawbreakers, Jemimas, Jibs, Jugs, Jukes, Jumblies, Jumbos,Kabukis, Kalamazoos, Kazongas, Kazoos, Kneck Squeezers, Knobbers, Knockers, Kongas, Kumquats, Lactoids, Lip Fodder, LLamas, Loaves, LobLollies, Love Muffins, LuLus, Lung Pillows, Macaroons, Major Mushies, Mamalicious, Mammaries, Mammies, Mam Bags, Mams, Man Bait, Mangos, Marangos, Maraschinos, Marimbas, Mau Maus, Mausers, Meat Loaves, Meatballs, Melons, Milk Cans, Milk Fountains, Milk Makers, Milk Shakes, Mmbos, Molehills, Mommas, Mondos, Montezumas, Moo Moos, Mother Lodes, Mounds, Mouth Magnets, Muchachas, Muffins, Mulligans, Mushmellons, Nancies, Nectarines, Niblets, Nibs, Nippers, Nippies, Nippleoons, Nippleos, Nips, Nodes, Nodules, Noogies, Nose Cones, Oompas, Orbs, Ottomans Balboas,Padded Punies, Pagodas Bangers, Pair, Pancho & Lefty, Peaches, Peaks, Pears, Peepers, Penis Partners, Pillows (See Lung Pillows), Pips, Plums, Pointer-Sisters, Points, Pokers, Polygons, Pompoms, Pontoons, Potatoes, Pre-Mature Melons, Professor Assessors, PT Boats, Pumpkins, Rangoons, Rib Cushions, Ripe Roo Roos, Saggy Waggys, Sandbags, Satellites, Sauce makers, Scones, Scoops, Shakes, Shebas, Shermans, Shimmies, Shirt Stretchers, Silos, Sister Sacks, Skin Pops, Skooners, Smoothies, Snake Charmers, Snuggle Pups, Spark Plugs, Specials, Sperm Targets, Spheres, Spongecakes, Spuds, Stacks, Stuffing Casabas, Sugar Plums, Sweater Meat, Sweater Puffs, Sweet Rolls, Tahitis, Tamales, Tartugas, Tatas, Tattlers, Teats, Tetons(see Gran Tetons), Thangs, Thingumajigs, Tidbits, Tits, Titters Domes, Titty Doodads, Tom-Toms, Tomatoes,Torpedoes, Towel Nuggets,Twangers, Tweakers, Tweeters, Twin Peaks, Twofers, Tympanies, U-Boats, Utters (See Fuck Utters),Umlauts, Virgin Chesty, Waldos, Wahwahs, Warheads, Zeppelins, Zingers etc.