Hi loyal internet readers..
I realized something over the weekend. I realized that even though I was only a guest blogger for a week, even though I was fired from my job, even though the Republican National Convention has me searching for just the right implement to shove under my fingernails, I have a larger purpose.
To serve my 11 loyal fans.
I've only had one fan before in my life. Her name was Amy, she was mentally challenged, and she asked me for my autograph after I won the high jump competition in 6th grade. I gave it to her. And now, dear fans, I'm going to give some shit to you.
I've got a decent sized colony going in my kitchen, and they are up for grabs! Ants in LA aren't like normal ants. They aren't like the ants you see in the rest of the country that laze around, and sometimes are big and black and clumsy, and sometimes are small and brown and make little sandy hills all day. They grow them fucked up out here. Like REAL fucked up. Ants out here are organized, cracked out and ready to fuck you up. They didn't make that animated film ANTZ for shits and kids. It's a complexly coded warning. It predicts the end if you listen.
Are you listening?
Anyway, come by and take my ants! They get 'er done! And they will play nicely in the ant farm you provide. They won't break out, crawl into your ear and implant shit in your brain. Promise!!
Blogging feels good. I'm not gonna lie. It feels REAL good.
I'm gonna go now and have some private naked time with my blog.
- love bessie love