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May 05, 2017
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"They literally run into each other coming around a corner. Trump manages not to spill any juice, but he rubs some exposed flesh across the North Korean’s shirt, getting orange all over it."

This week, Donald Trump unexpectedly announced he would be honored to meet with North Korean leader Kim Jong Un “if it were appropriate.” Appropriate or not, these two kindred spirits meeting for the first time is a big moment. Here are the cutest ways it could happen:

1. Donald Trump is walking down the sidewalk carrying a cup of orange juice. Kim Jong Un is walking down the sidewalk wearing a white shirt. They literally run into each other coming around a corner. Trump manages not to spill any juice, but he accidentally rubs some exposed flesh across the North Korean’s shirt, getting orange all over it.


2. Kim Jong Un gets the heel of his platform shoe stuck in a manhole cover. Seeing him bent over from behind, Trump mistakes him for a married woman and leaps in and forcefully grabs him, freeing him just in time to narrowly avoid being hit by runaway debris from a failed North Korean missile test.


3. It’s the height of the holiday shopping season, and Macy’s is packed. Two customers reach for the last pair of size extra-small gloves from the Ivanka Trump Collection at the same time. As their hands touch, they look up at one other. “Hey, aren’t you…” says the man in the baggy suit. “You have to buy the tiniest gloves too?” says the shorter one in the military uniform. The chemistry is undeniable, but due to circumstances out of their control, they won’t formally introduce themselves until much later, outside under the lightly falling pure white flakes of ash from the recent nuclear holocaust.


4. It’s an extravagant costume party. Donald Trump is there dressed as a respectable world leader. He’s just out of an intense relationship with a Russian man, and he’s not thinking about meeting anyone else. He stops to look at an aquarium, but it’s what he sees on the other side that mesmerizes him: a short Korean angel. Kim Jong Un is wearing angel wings because he just declared himself to be an actual angel. Tiffany Trump sings that Des’Ree song in the background.


5. The two men unknowingly eat from the same huge plate of spaghetti. They are both too distracted staring at Ivanka passing by to realize they are slurping the ends of the same noodle.


6. They coincidentally end up at the same summer camp and realize their hairstylists are a divorced blind couple. So they switch places to get them back together.

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