Rumors have begun swirling that former Vice President Al Gore is considering another run for the White House in 2016. He are the Pros and Cons of a possible Al Gore Presidency:
PRO: No more Tipper so he can blare Prince’s “Pussy Control” as loud as he wants from the oval office.
PRO: He enjoys kissing babies the exact right amount that doesn’t make him either a perv or an unfeeling monster.
PRO: Al Gore invented the internet so probably can help us with that virus we got from RedTube.
PRO: Rage Against The Machine owes him one after losing him the 2000 election with that music video where they mushed his face together with George W. Bush’s.
PRO: Would become the first solid oak president.
PRO: He’s very pro-environment which is good because we all live in the environment.
PRO: Already knows all the good hiding spots for when everyone plays Oval Office Hide & Seek.
PRO: Has never seen a naked woman, so he’s focused.
PRO: Likely has very firm opinions on sandals with support for the heel, so we have that to look forward to?
CON: Many voters are reluctant to vote for a candidate they would have trouble picking out of a lineup of one.
CON: If you’re ever drinking with him in the Oval Office and go to toss your empties he’ll def give one of those really patronizing “Um…actually we recycle those…”
CON: If he wins we’re all going to have to sit through a ton more Powerpoint presentations.
CON: Darryl Hammond will never leave SNL again.
CON: He’ll have to halt production on his An Inconvenient Truth sequel, Inconvenient Too!: Truth In Space.
CON: Has never changed out of his blue suit, an achilles heel North Korea will soon exploit.
CON: He’ll have to put his new at-home dessert venture “the Gore S’more” on hold.
CON: Might lose his temper and tell ISIS to stop being so snippy.
CON: He has the charisma of Al Gore.