Top News: Madonna Pulled Into Cee Lo's Orbit During Halftime Show
February 5, 2012 - "We don't know what happened." said top bowl-game brass, after Cee Lo Green's inexplicable appearance on stage during Madonna's halftime performance, of the 2012 Superbowl Championship between the New York Giants and the New England Patriots.
"M.I.A. and Nicki Minaj were supposed to be there for a bit to pay respect to Madonna, and LMFAO were also invited. But otherwise, this was supposed to be a solo performance. That fat f*** wasn't supposed to be anywhere near the stage." said the anonymous football exec, who asked to remain nameless. "We're simply calling it, 'The Gravity Malfunction.'
Cee Lo Green, the megapound rapper-record producer, was indeed on hand in Indianapolis yesterday to help NBC plug their reality-show The Voice during their pre-game show. But in spite of the fact that a commercial for Voice immediately followed Madonna's breathtaking performance, according to the halftime-coordination committee, the overweight 7-Up spokeswhale was not supposed to be breathing Madonna's air during the production. "We purposefully laid out an entire plate of hot-dogs in the V.I.P area, just to keep him away." said another unnamed source. "Cee Lo's so mammothly humongous, frankly, this is exactly what we were afraid could happen."
Another top TV 'Jane Doe' also anonymously offered her own confirmation. "Do you honestly believe we would be so obvious as to throw that pork-tard on stage with her, just for a shameless plug? Madonna is a twentieth century icon. Cee Lo's overweight and overrated. We wouldn't let him polish her throne."
Regardless of the hows & whys, wearing nothing but a sparkly black moo-moo from Indiana Tent & Awning, the former Goodie Mob singer-songwriter did venture dangerously close to the Material Girl's platform near the end of her performance, and to Miss Ciccone's misfortune, despite her best efforts to vogue her way out of his gravitational pull, sadly, she was sucked into his orbit. Neither Madonna nor Cee Lo could be reached for comment.
-Liora Jynx, Smartasses.Net staff writer