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Everyone tells me, you need a girlfriend, you need a girlfriend…Ya know what, I’m as single as a one dollar bill and loving every minute of it. As far as I’m concerned I’ve got my girlfriend right here (I’m holding up my right hand and pointing to it with my left) that’s right…when I’m ornery, this wonderful girlfriend always knows exactly what I want with impeccable timing. She’s never shy, awkward or bashful. She never says no. She’s never unreasonable or unruly, she never gets out of hand…well sometimes…And when she’s done, she’ll even fix me a sandwich and feed it right to my face…you can’t beat that, but she can. She even cleans me after I’ve shat out a massive thumper, whether it be in my bathroom or in a taxi hell-stormed wasted one drunken night. What girlfriend would do that?…So, girlfriend…ya, who needs one?

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