Welcome To Terminus
By
Joshua Proctor

Hello and thank you in your interest for employment at Terminus. First let us tell you about Terminus. We didn’t see the zombie apocalypse as the end of times but as a opportunity to start a utopia. Terminus is the best parts of our old world and the new one we live in but to keep it up and running we need people like you to come in and help out. Please fill out this application to see how and where you can help Terminus become the new Atlanta! (We set the bar low)

Section 1: General Questions

Question 1: How do you feel about killing children? (If you don’t like it please explain why)

Question 2: Do you have any work history in the field of cooking humans? (I.E: McDonalds or a cannibal kitchen)

Question 3: Do you own a baseball bat?

Question 4: Would you be willing to clean stainless steel troughs filled with blood?

Question 5: Are you ok with the chance that your wife may or may not be raped once a week? (Question does not apply to women. If you’re a woman please skip)

Section 2: Math:

Question 1: Lets say you shoot a family of 6 with your shotgun. They all took one shot to kill besides the youngest son who tried to escape. You finally got him after 5 shots. How many shells did you use?

Question 2: How many people can you fit into a 50’ Standard Boxcar

auto-parts-boxcar.jpg

Question 3: How long should you cook a human brain at 425°F?

Section 3: Past life:

Question 1: Before the zombie apocalypse did you ever cut anyone’s throat?

Question 2: Did your past job ever have you track people in the woods?

Question 3: Did you have a secret stash of weapons anywhere? If so where?

Section 4: Terms and Agreements:
Upon filling this application out you have agreed to the following:

You can’t not leave Terminus.
You may or may not be killed within the next hour
We have the right to use your body for lunch.
Your baby is now our baby…..so thanks for that
Become our new bat skull tester
To have a guest spot on The Talking Dead
Live in one of our many cozy boxcars for the rest of your life which won’t be that long
If you have any cool cowboy hats you must give them to us. It’s like our thing

__THANK YOU FOR YOU INTEREST! WE WILL REVIEW THIS APPLICATION AND GET BACK TO YOU AS SOON AS POSSIBLE._ _

Follow Joshua on Twitter @todajets
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