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Published April 03, 2010 More Info »
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Published April 03, 2010

 I don't enjoy driving as much as I used to when I was a bit younger. It's not because I don't like to drive. There's nothing more relaxing than cruising down the road with the radio on. I remember cranking the tunes, cruising the back roads, and enjoying the scenery. It's not that you can't cruise anymore, but a lot of the places that I used to find relaxing are either housing developements, or are so full of trash that it is no longer a relaxing scene. If you can find good scenery, the chances are, someone else has also found it. So, there are not too many places that you can drive to, pull over, and toss a frisbee or have a picnic without some asshole ruining it for you.
I have found a few places, that are secluded, that I still like to go occaisionally. It is quite a drive to get to these places. The actual drive is no problem. It's navigating around all of the dumbasses that I encounter on my way. Yeah, I'm talking about you if you're the one with the friggin' cell phone glued to your face! I don't feel safe around these chronic blabbers! They are not concentrating on the road, and put me in danger when I am near them! If these people have to talk all the time, they should get a "hands-free" device, or they should pull over to the side of the road. I have a cell phone, and I don't like to talk and drive. My wife tries to call me while I'm on the road, and I do one of two things. I either answer it to tell her "I'm too busy to talk" then hang up quickly, or I won't answer the call at all. If you must talk and drive, buy a CB radio!
How about the stupid chic who has to put her make-up on while going 65 in a 45 zone? If she was that stretched on time, she should have left a bit earlier! I'll bet that she will at least look pretty when they are loading her ass in the ambulance! At least she had her "war paint" on, but I'll bet she forgot about clean underwear!
Here's a fellow that we have all seen! Yeah, look out your passenger side window, and there he is. Do you see that fat dude with half a whopper in one hand, soda in the other, and that "special sauce" all over his face? At least he's not speeding. In fact, he's pissing the woman off that's behind him. He's going too slow, and she can't put her lipstick on if she has to keep putting her brakes on! Oh great, the traffic light turned red! Now the fat dude resembles that Japanese guy in the hot dog eatting contest! He only has about two bites left when he realizes that he dropped a pickle on his lap. While he's got his head down hunting, the light turns green, and he just sits there! Ah, he found his pickle! He shoves it into his mouth, and looks up just as the light turns red again. The poor son of a bitch can't figure out why everyone is cussing and beeping horns! Well, at least he finished his whopper! Oh shit, he just spilled his soda in his crotch, and has to sit through another green light to clean it up!
Oh, now we have a teenager in his mommie's car tailgating you! So, you figure that you'll slow down to piss him off. Well, it didn't work! He's still tailgating you, and we now know that his horn works! For some reason, this little punk is getting impatient. He decides to pass you in a no passing zone, but can't due to oncoming traffic. So, he falls back in line hooked to your rear bumper again. Now the little shithead is getting ballsy! He decides to pass you on the shoulder. What a foolish move. The little turd is not an experienced driver anyway. As he tries to come back onto the road in front of you, he looses control slamming into a mini-van in the other lane. I've actually seen this happen, and it is not a pretty sight.
The last type of driver that makes me wonder is the guy who thinks his 4x4 is indestructable. I was coming home from work one afternoon, when a young fellow passed me while it was snowing. Yeah, 4 wheel drive is great in snow, and I had my 4x4 ingaged at the time. The road that I take home is both hilly and curvy. Common sense told me to slow down before I came to the big hairpin curve on a series of hills. The freak who passed me, lacked that common sense! As I approched the curve, I saw him climbing out his window. He didn't slow down enough, and flipped his pickup truck in a ditch! I stopped to make sure he was ok. He came up to my truck, and said he was alright. He then asked me if I could help him get his truck out of the ditch. I told him this: "You were smart enough to pass me in a no-passing zone in a snow storm. You were smart enough to slow down for this hairpin curve. So, I'll think that you'll be smart enough to get your truck out of that ditch without my help!" He then asked me for a ride. I asked him if he had a cell phone. He did have one, so I told him to call a tow truck and a taxi. I hope that he learned a lesson that day.
I may not be the greatest driver in the world, but I am a safe driver. I try to keep in mind that the vehicle that I'm in control of can kill me or someone else. It is a 3000 pound bullet, and is nothing to mess with. I have never had an accident while I was driving. I consider myself fortunate. I'm always looking for the assholes that are around me, and I'm planning an escape route in case they loose control. Some innocent people are killed by asshole drivers everyday. Please, be aware of what's around you, you don't need to become a statistic!
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