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December 01, 2014

A helpful list of ten ways to live a fully organic life.

10 Steps to Living FULLY Organic

Smoking isn’t organic!
It may surprise you to learn that it’s not just tobacco in those seemingly harmless cigarettes. Either roll your own all natural dope or just say nope.

Get out of the city!
The air around you is filled with pollutants that are most certainly not organic. Everything from car exhaust to other automobile exhaust is poison.

Stop eating fast food!
Regardless of what the nutritional content may say. I assure you it’s far better to eat a Chipotle chicken panini on Artisan French bread from Panera which has 840 natural calories, 38 natural grams of fat and 2140 natural mg of sodium then a processed Big Mac. With its550 processed calories, 29 processed grams of fat and 970 mg of processed of sodium.

Stop using medicine!
As a general rule of thumb if you can’t pronounce the ingredients it’s probably not organic.

Turn off your water!
That shit is filled with Chlorine.From now on you’re water needs to come from your local pond or river, whichever one is chemical free. It may contain E. Coli and cholera, but that’s fine because if it’s found in nature then IT IS organic.

Remove any fillings from your teeth or pins from your bones!
I have some news for you. Those are neither organic nor locally sourced.

Ditch the cell phone, microwave, TV, toaster oven and real oven!
Get as far away from any power lines as possible. All of those pieces of “technology” (which is a word the devil invented to trick us) give off harmful non-organic electrical signals and radiation. You need to get your ass outside and only be exposed to the safe, organic rays that mother nature produces, like the Earth’s magnetic field or UV radiation.

Never wear sunscreen!
Do you know what’s in that shit? I don’t because I can’t read. Probably because my parents vaccinated me… Assholes.

Never, ever, ever, ever eat corn again!
In fact don’t eat anything made with corn. Corn has been tainted by thousands of years of selective breeding (that was how Monsanto genetically engineered food before we invented beakers and stuff). You are more then welcome to enjoy wild maze which grows naturally and organically in southern Mexico.

Get rid of your Significant Other!
Unless they’re also following these steps they’re dragging you down with their non-organic lifestyle. You’ve heard of second hand smoking. Well it works with non-organic too.