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March 08, 2017

The brain surgeons have thrown in the towel. That towel’s name is Ben Carson.

A Message from the American Institute of Aeronautics and Astronautics:

The battle for the reputation as the best geniuses is over. We the rocket scientists have won. The brain surgeons have thrown in the towel. That towel’s name is Ben Carson. That towel thinks Africans chained in the bottom of slave ships were immigrants pursuing the American dream.

Rocket scientists are known for our mastery of fluid mechanics, aeroelasticity, and astrodynamics. Brain surgeons are now known for the guy who blamed the Holocaust on a lack of guns.

Long have people used our two professions interchangeably as the pinnacle of complex thought and procedure, but that was before their guy said the pyramids were grain closets built by a man named Joseph. It used to be that both groups were believed to be on the cutting edge of scientific advancement. One sleepy brain doctor who likes bragging about stabbing people and denying evolution sort of changed everything.

We the aerospace engineers are officially declaring victory. The face of brain surgery is officially declaring that people go into prison straight and come out gay and that Muslims can’t be president.

Thanks for playing, brain surgeons. Honestly, we were disappointed it was this easy. I guess you could say you brought a knife to a rocket fight. Until we listened to Ben Carson, we never would have guessed how dull that knife could be.