In Funny Or Die Presents Donald Trump’s The Art Of The Deal: The Movie, Trump demands each tiny person in the Trump Tower mock-up receive a backstory. Unfortunately, we didn’t have time to hear all of them. Thankfully, we’ve been able to track down the rest, featured below along with a picture of the tiny person in his or her element.
Theo Marssatz (pictured in light blue jacket): Theo is a pharmacist who hasn’t spoken to his handsome businessman father in 20 years (pictured right), after his dad accidentally tried to buy condoms from him at the pharmacy, without knowing it was his son who would be ringing him up. It just got too awkward.
Howard Maloosh (far left): Howard is a simple salesman, but he’s always dreamt of taking his hat off and there being a rabbit, or mouse, or goose, or something sitting there. Not yet, it seems.
Michelle Linguato (second from left): Michelle has had her hand up in the high-five position since she gave birth to her son three years ago. Every single person since has left her hanging.
Chet Valore (middle): A cobbler who ditched the profession six months ago in order to sell this giant ogre of a LEGO he’s always carrying around.
Micky Scobbins (far right): When his parents told him to get out there and show the world what you can do, he grabbed a shovel, picked a street corner, and lifted a foot up. He’s been there three months now, and has amassed $13,034.
Tom Belfry (second from right): Ever since he was recognized as the town butcher at church, Belfry has worn a mask at work. “Keep work and social lives separate,” he’ll tell you, “in every single way.”
Tony Tivindle (right): Tony’s been hacking pennies to bits for 12 years, but yesterday was the first day he could tell his coworker Mike that he loves him. The two will be married in May.
Porter Mustang (middle): One of the Three Wise Men. Porter will tell you that visiting the Trump Tower was the single greatest experience of his life. He truly can’t think of one experience better or more important.