A Q & A Not About Tiger Woods

Q: What is the Arnold Palmer Invitational?

-          A Huge Golf Fan

A: Great question. Years before Arnold Palmer was an iced tea and lemonade connoisseur, he was a golfer, generally regarded as one of the best of all time. After his heyday, he founded the Arnold Palmer Invitational, which is a PGA Tour golf tournament played on his private resort in Bay Hill, Florida. Each March a new generation of golfers compete. Past winners include Tiger Woods, who is on track to win again in 2012.

Q: Wouldn’t it be funny if, after decades and decades of playing professional golf, when Arnold Palmer retired, he spent his retirement playing golf with all his retired friends?

-          A Huge Golf Fan

A: Haha. Yes. That would be funny.

Q: How do you play golf?

-          A Huge Golf Fan

A: What? I thought you were a huge golf fan. For real? Okay, um... well, each golf course has 18 holes, and the object of the game is to...

Q: Okay, that is enough banter. Do you think enough time has passed to ask Tiger Woods about that whole thing?

-          A Huge Golf Fan

A: What whole thing?

Q: Oh, come on. You know what I mean.

-          A Huge Golf Fan

A: Hmm? What are you talking about?

Q: Don’t lie. You know exactly what I’m talking about.  Am I allowed to ask him about all those women yet?

-          A Huge Golf Fan

A: Ah... ha, yeah you got me. I know, I know. Yo, man, I don’t know hahaha, you probably could but his publicist might get mad peeved.

Q: Do you think any of those fine honeys are still on the lam? Do you think I have a shot?

-          A Huge Golf Fan

A: Dunno man, but we gonna find out tonight, ain’t we? Let’s look ‘em up and paint the town red. Come to think of it, I’m pretty good at black mail. I think I could convince T-Woods to tell us where they live.

Q: Bump my fist?

-          A Huge Golf Fan

A: Consider it bumped. Hey, come to think of it, after the split, Tiger’s wife is up for grabs too, isn’t she? She’s not bad. Elin?

Q: Did somebody just say “LIN”?

-          Jeremy Lin

A: AWWW! NO WAY!!! JEREMY LIN! Yo, this is Lin-sane! Let the Lin-sanity get started. This is so bal-Lin!

Q: Yeah, yeah. Drink it in. I’ve heard every pun before. I mean, I’ve known about Linsanity my entire life, and the rest of the world just found out about it like two months ago. I just tune out the weak ones now.

-Jeremy Lin

A: You mean they’ve fal-Lin on deaf ears?

Q: Whatever. But I am interested in this, so go on. I mean, I’m an international star in the prime of his life and it’s the Year of the Dragon, so if we’re on a hunt for these ladies, I’m all Lin.

-          Jeremy Lin

A: Thatta boy! Somewhere in this conversation, between you, the Asian-American basketball player and all these girls, there’s gotta be a Tiger Mom joke. Right? I don’t know.

Q: A cultural joke. Because his name is Tiger. The pieces are there, but you can always do better.

-          Jeremy Lin

A: Okay.   

Q: He’s half Asian too, did you know that?

-          Jeremy Lin

A: Yes, I did.

Q: I wonder if any of his mistresses would go for the full thing.

-          Jeremy Lin

A: Oh please. I’m calling dibs on all the ones that are an 8 or above.

Q: That’s not fair! That is totally Lin-considerate of you.

-          Jeremy Lin

A: A Lin could never conquer the jungle, but a Tiger Wood.

Q: Damn, that was cold. I am going to show you up.

-          Jeremy Lin

Q: Hello, everyone. How are you today?

-          Tim Tebow

A: Tim Tebow? What is he doing here?

Q: Sorry guys, he is new to New York and I promised my mom I would show him around. I hope it’s okay if he comes with us.

-          Jeremy Lin

A: *Grumbles* Yeah, yeah, okay, fine. Hey, The Adventures of Tim-Tim, hope you’re ready to do some Tebow-ning. Ha!

Q: What does that mean?

-          Tim Tebow

Q: Hey guys, my mom also said that when Tim is around, uh, New York “Knicks” on the foul language... he’s a devout Christian and all that ...  also cool it with the sex stuff, he takes his pledge very seriously.

-          Jeremy Lin

A: Sigh...okay. But wait, did he seriously not hear about the Tiger Woods scandal? Someone please tell Goody Two-Cleats what we’re talking 'bout. 

Q: *PSSST PSST PSST PSST PSST*

Q : Good Lord! Was any of this pre-marital?

-          Tim Tebow

A: Technically, it was post-marital. Say what! You in or out, Tebow?

Q: Not interested. Not until I’m married.

-          Tim Tebow

A: So what you’re saying is, hit Atlantic City this weekend?

Q: Hey guys. Whew, that was quite a round. What are we all talking about?

-          Tiger Woods

A: Oh, nothing. Nothing at all. Uh... sports. The weather. Arnold Palmer.

Q: That’s cool. Say, do any of you know Danica Patrick?