Bloomington, IN: As news of Wall St.’s decline continued to rock major financial markets around the world, similar disruptions were felt in the Jacoby Family, where 10 year old David Jacoby had been overestimating the worth of his piggy bank for weeks. This finally caught up with the child when little brother Christopher, 7, came calling for the money he had traded against for ice cream treats.
“Davey always has money in his piggy bank,” said Christopher, “and he takes care of me because he loves me!”
David used this misplaced trust and a narcissistic disbelief that his bank could ever truly run dry to continue trading on the perceived value of his piggy bank in order to have Christopher buy him snacks.
“The ice cream man came around and Davey said, ‘If you buy me a fudge-sicle I swear I’ll pay you back.’ But now I think his fingers were crossed.” Things snowballed from there.
The piggy bank in question, whose value was once estimated at between 34 and a million-billion dollars, held only one dollar and thiry-seven cents, when it was recently cracked open. Those who had counted on higher assets in the pig immediately fell into despair.
“I thought Davey would be providing for all my future Choco Tacos,” said Christopher. “Now I’m left with nothing. He’s a poop head.”
While initial appeals for a bailout from parents were discouraged with talks about “financial responsibility,” it looks as if Mr. and Mrs. Jacoby will be paying off Davey’s debts to brother Christopher in order to help stabilize the household market against future “knuckle-headed fighting” and general “god-damned whining.”