Full Credits

Stats & Data

September 30, 2017

It's football season. Nuff said.

Me: I see you’re ready for football season.
Conan: Damn straight.
Me: I’m glad you picked the Giants since that’s our team.
Conan: It is? That’s a lucky coincidence.
Me: You didn’t know we rooted for the Giants?
Conan: I had no idea.
Me: Then why did you choose them?
Conan: Um…because they’re giants.
Me: Well, they’re not actual…
Conan: Eagles are cool and all but they’re no match for a giant and a cowboy? They don’t have lassos big enough to wrap around a giant. I thought about picking the Jets, especially if they were armed with some missiles but then I thought about how ridiculous that would be. The NFL wouldn’t allow live ammunition into a stadium. What if one of those missiles went into the stands…the carnage…
Me: Dude.
Conan: And hey, I’m as patriotic as the next guy but a dude with a musket who gets off a shot like every 60 seconds isn’t going to last long against a giant. Then I thought about the Bears but are we talking about a grizzly or a black bear? There’s a big difference. I thought a seahawk, maybe, cause they could swoop down and poke out the eyes but I thought what are the chances they would be that accurate? And once you piss off a giant forget about it.
Me: That’s not how it works.
Conan: And what’s with the Bills? The only Bill I know is our neighbor down the street. He’s such a sweet guy. He always gives me treats. I figured if all the Bills are like him they don’t stand a chance against a giant. They’d just want to hug them or something. And what’s up with the Browns? What the hell is that? How can a color play football? Are they just big crayons? Anywho, it took me awhile but in the end I couldn’t see any of them taking down a giant.
Me: You’ve never seen an actual football game have you?
Conan: Not yet. Can’t wait though. I’m very excited. I’ve only read about giants before.
Me: Well, just don’t get your hopes up too much, okay? I have a feeling you’re going to be disappointed.
Conan: No way, man. I’m pumped. I’m hoping my favorite player will be playing.
Me: Who’s that?
Conan: Paul Bunyan.