Hello, everyone. I'm the new one, Brian. I'm pretty hip. My friends refer to me as the ahead-of-the-curve guy. Heh, you could call me a "cool hunter". You read FunnyOrDie so I know you're into cool stuff too. Well, I've got a hot new trend for you... Vampires.
That's right. Undead, honest to God, blood-sucking, Eastern European royalty, scary-ass vampires. Vampires are going to be everywhere. Nothing will be hotter this year. Ladies love 'em, guys want to be them. It started a couple years ago when My Chemical Romance sang "Vampires Will Never Hurt You". Since then, vampires have really caught on. There was a book, Twilight, about high school vampires and the movie studios made a movie from it. The movie did so well, they're making a sequel. For. Real.
Not convinced? There's even a tv show on the CW. It's called The Beautiful Life. It's a bunch of sexy vampire models living together in New York City. Packed with A-Level talent such as Mischa Barton and Ashton Kutcher, The Beautiful Life cannot miss.
I'm telling you, if you want to be cool, it's vampires. Find vampire stickers and put them on your notebook, make references to vampires when you're hanging out with friends, be a vampire for Halloween. As my dad likes to say when he's got really good poker cards, "go all in". For once, catch a wave early and reap the rewards of ultimate coolness.
Trust me on this. I know things. I was into Phoenix last March.