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April 23, 2009

I was a bit of a fat kid growing up. And by "bit", I mean I weighed two hundred pounds in the sixth grade. Please see the attached photo:

See what I mean? It wasn't an enjoyable time in my life. Everyday I was picked on because I was bigger than the other kids. I would be called horrible names like lard ass, fat body, and blubber tits. And that was just when my parents woke me up for school.

And believe me, no girls wanted to touch my fat little dick either. It was really painful because I had to stay home by myself on Saturday nights while all of my friends were starting to date. I actually remember thinking that I'd never know what it's like to kiss a girl. I thought I would be alone for the rest of my life.

And if that wasn't bad enough, I was an alter boy at the same time, and I couldn't get a priest to molest me to save my life. And this was the late 1980s -- the last great fuck fest free for all, before the Catholic Church came crashing down on the thousands of rogue priests having sex with alter boys. And despite this sexual freedom, the priests at my church passed on me so they could fuck the more lean, in shape, alter boys instead.

Those aren't actually the priests from my church, but they're good representations.

A few months later, my brother offered to give me $200 if I could lose thirty pounds. With that motivation, I was able to lose the weight, and after that, talking to girls was easy.

And wouldn't you know it, the first time I had sex with someone, it's with someone with an STD. And I mean the big one. AIDS.

Anyway, dating can be rough in Los Angeles, especially with a life threatening sexually transmitted disease. That's why I use this great dating site for people like me. It's called meSTD.com. Check out their advertisement: