AP: I do want to talk to you about the 100 days.
Trump: Good, did you see what happened in Egypt?
AP: Oh you assisted releasing Aya Hijazi?
Trump: Yea yea, that’s cool too I guess,but the pyramids. Those big – big pyramids, they’re like my wall only they’re triangular, I’m very, very good at seeing shapes. Shapes are really great, especially the easy ones, that way I don’t need to ask people what they’re called, I’m learning a rhombus this week.
AP: I see, um. So anyway, do you think your first hundred days have been successful?
Trump: My first hundred days were excellent, it was mainly drinking milk from my mothers breasts and sleeping,and hey, who doesn’t love those two things?!
AP: Right. And are you worried about a government shutdown this Friday?
Trump: Sure I worry, I worry a lot. There’s many different governments that can shutdown and I also worry that somedays I’ll accidentally tell Mike Pence how I thought that his mother was a stripper when he said he’s “from Indiana” that sounds like a stripper name doesn’t it? I mean why is there a state called Indiana anyway? What is that place? Asian!? You want a coke? I really think this is good Coca Cola.
AP: Are you advertising a soft drink during a non-television interview?
Trump: Ehhh. * Pause holding can of soda* I’m using the profits from the advertisements to fund the health care bill.
AP: So you’re funding healthcare through advertising?
Trump: Pretty smart huh? I’m very intelligent, super smart. Just ask me if I’m smart, I’ll tell ya. I’m considering asking if Amazon would sponsor NATO, who says you shouldn’t order Tomahawks in two days, provided you’ve a prime account.
AP: Will that be how you’ll build a wall with your Prime account?
Trump: Well it will be Mexico’s account…but yea I suppose that’s how we’ll pay for it, I finished my account after the month’s free trial, I asked Paul Ryan for his credit card for the second account.
AP: Of course you did.