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March 11, 2015

That really hot naked chick from the "Blurred Lines" video takes the stand in the Robin Thicke / Marvin Gaye family case.

A jury has awarded Marvin Gaye’s children almost $7.4 million dollars after deciding that Robin Thicke and Pharrell Williams copied their father’s music when creating “Blurred Lines.”

But the biggest surprise in this court cases came from the prosecution’s questioning of their surprise witness — The Hot Naked Chick from the “Blurred Lines” video.

Here is a copy of the official court transcript:

Robin Thicke exits the witness stand and returns to his seat.


Loud, surprised court murmurs. “Oh my God,” “I can’t believe this,” “Today is great,” etc. The Judge bangs his gavel but it also might have just been his boner hitting the bottom of his desk real hard.

JUDGE: ORDER! ORDER IN THE COURT! Prosecutor … which one?

PROSECUTOR: (long, dramatic pause) … the brunette.

Further loud, surprised court murmurs. “Holy shit, “I was hoping he’d say that,” “She’s the best one,“ etc. The Hot Naked Chick from "Blurred Lines” approaches the stand and she’s still just as naked as she was in the video. Apparently that’s just how she likes to dress, which is pretty cool.

BAILIFF: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you God?

GIRL: I do, your honor.

BAILIFF: I’m not “your honor” but cool, thanks. Also you look, um … you’re really, um … hi.

Bailiff, having totally blown it, steps away from the stand.

PROSECUTOR: Ma’am, can you please state your name for the record?

GIRL: Hot Naked Chick from the “Blurred Lines” video.

PROSECUTOR: Very good. And now can you please tell me when you first heard the song in question?

DEFENSE: Your honor, why is this girl naked?


DEFENSE: Your honor, I understand she looks very, very good right now. I’m just worried that her bare body is going to be a distraction to the court.


JUDGE: Um, you can’t — jurors aren’t usually allowed to — Actually, you know what, yeah! We’re all having fun here and I never get to see naked chicks on the stand so, sustained. Thank you, juror. Prosecution, continue your questioning. Defense, you’re on thin ice.

PROSECUTOR: OK, now where was I … oh, right! Can you touch your elbows to your back?

GIRL: Excuse me?

PROSECUTOR: And let me remind you, you’re under oath.

Hot Naked Chick from the “Blurred Lines” Video totally falls for it and starts trying. She ends up sticking her boobs out wicked far.

PROSECUTOR: Excellent. The entire courtroom thanks you for that. Now, in your opinion, is Robin Thicke’s song similar to Marvin— Actually you know what, that’s a boring question; we’ve been talking about that all day. How ’bout, do you like sushi?

GIRL: Um, sure…

PROSECUTOR: Cool, cause I know this really great place only three blocks from here and I swear the fish is so fresh you have to slap it. Do you think maybe after this is over you’d want to—


JUDGE: You’d better be going somewhere with this, counselor…

PROSECUTOR: Sorry, sorry, you’re right. I’ll move on. Hot Naked Chick from “Blurred Lines,” do you see a woman in a green cardigan anywhere in the room?

GIRL: I do.

PROSECUTOR: And can you point her out to the court?

Hot Naked Chick from “Blurred Lines” points to a middle-aged woman in the back.

PROSECUTOR: Let the record state, The Hot Naked Chick from “Blurred Lines” pointed to a one Carol McGill. That is my wife. Ma’am, I am willing to immediately leave her and both our children if you will let me have sex with you.

GIRL: I don’t … I don’t think so.

PROSECUTOR: Your honor, I’d like to treat this witness as hostile.

JUDGE: She’s also sexy as fuck.


DEFENSE: You guys, for real, there’s a fully nude woman on the stand right now and we have asked her nothing regarding this court case. Motion to strike th—

PROSECUTOR: Motion to strike your fucking face with my fist!

JUDGE: I’ll allow it.

PROSECUTOR: Just a few more questions. Do you have a boyfriend, does size matter, and I like your boobs they look big and nice.

GIRL: Yes, yes, and that last one wasn’t a question so I don’t really know how to answer.

PROSECUTOR: The defense breasts. I mean rests! I mean … breasts.

JUDGE: Defense, your witness.

DEFENSE: I have no questions for this woman. She has nothing to do with whether or not Robin Thicke stole music from Marvin Gaye.

JUDGE: Fair enough. Hot Naked Chick from “Blurred Lines,” you may step down. For the rest of us, I’d like to call a five-minute recess so we can all masturbate to what just happened.