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April 09, 2009


Do you ever get the feeling that people are doing things just to piss you off?  Here are some of the things I hate....

1) Stupid "Good Mornings" People give you
 - "Cold enough for you out there?" ... I hate this guy.  Yes jackass, its cold enough for me out there, I can see my breath.  Thanks for the weather update, oh by the way... Next time you want to talk about the weather, go talk to a tank of fish or something.  At least they will move their mouths and pretend to care.

- " Working hard or hardly working" Next time somebody says this to me I am going to punch my own face and laugh at them until blood tears roll down my face.  Talk to the guppies you jerk!

- I also hate when you ask somebody if its the date ( is it April 9th today?) and the Idiot replies... "Sure is, all day!"  Then they put on this stunned fucker face and with their mouth closed,  does one of those annoying nose laughs.  Keep it up Andy, people love you.

2) Dandruff for no reason

 - I really hate when I get up in the morning, have a shower and after drying my hair realize that there is white fluffy crap falling out of my hair.  What does this Festival of Dander want?  Cute? Yes, but I feel the need to get some scalp scrub (From Doris' famous line up) and make the skin blizzard go away.

3) People that have not discovered Q-Tips yet

 -  People, it looks like you are Owner and Operator of an Ear Custard Farm... do us all a favor, and dig that sticky yellow sludge out of your ear or go and hang out with the people over there wearing jogging pants in public.... nobody likes them either.

4) Old Ladies Eating Yogurt

 - no explanation required.... just plain disgusting

5) Pineapple Perfume

 - Why is it that when I go somewhere that I have to be sitting for a long period of time, some lady that just took a pineapple bath sits beside me.  Sweetheart,  we would rather smell the onion factory also known as your armpits then spend one more second inhaling what you think smells like a tasty summer cocktail.  Do us all a favor, go sit with custard boy and the Jogging Pants gang over there in the corner.

6) Barbers that hate my boy Nicholas

 - He is three, and afraid of sharp metal objects coming towards his face.  Oh and by the way barber, Nick is told that scissors are dangerous and that they should never be played with.  So when scissors coming at him, it may be natural to be a little afraid.  Maybe barbers should all be in "Barney the stupid pink dinosaur" costumes and use pink or blue scissors.  As painful as it would be to to sit through a 1/2 of Barney cutting hair, the children may be less afraid.

Happy Easter Everyone!