arthurrobbins1

Another funny site to kill some time: http://www.nedwingfield.com

Here's a... more »

Another funny site to kill some time: http://www.nedwingfield.com

Here's a sample post (sorry it's so long but it's worth reading, these are hilarious)

Original Internet Ad:

Need a friend for my dog

My 40 pound poodle needs a friend. He gets bored sitting around the house all day and has ton of energy to use up. I figure we could take turns hosting the dogs on play dates and free up our own time.

Let me know if you are interested and live near *********.

Negotiation Strategy:
There wasn’t really any strategy here. I just went all out trying to convince this lady how great my dog Lloyd is. Guess she and her dog were just a big tease.


From Me to **************@*********.org
09/12/2009 @ 6:39PM

Hello,

I own a dog in need of companionship. My dog is high energy and will definitely keep things interesting for your dog. They will be friends and hopefully more than friends too.

I’m happy to host your dog at my place for a first date.

Let me know!

Ned Wingfield


From Talia **************** to Me
09/13/2009 @ 11:34AM

Hi,

When are you free for them to meet? What kind of dog do you have?

Best,
Talia

From Me to Talia ****************
09/16/2009 @ 7:10PM

Hi Talia,

I’m free right now. I mean the sooner the better. Lloyd, that’s my dog’s name, is very eager to meet a male companion dog and get down to business.

Lloyd is a 125 pound rottweiler but he is very gentle to humans and dogs. I adopted Lloyd from an Austrian couple that was going to put him down. I miss the days when he was only 25 pounds and drinking pureed cat meat out of his bowl. But I digress… The only problem is that I can hardly ever take him to parks anymore because of his behavior! But don’t worry Talia, he is very loving towards other dogs. In fact I would say too loving if you catch my drift.

I’ve set up a nice sofa with rose petals, pillows, and lots of milk chocolate.

Ned


From Talia **************** to Me
09/18/2009 @ 10:41AM

Hi,

You can’t give your dog chocolate!!! How long have you been an owner? I’m sure I could teach you the ropes.

Anyway, my dog is named Rocky and is a male poodle – so this all won’t be an issue. Anyway, you should just get him neutered if it’s a real problem.

I’m free Saturday afternoon. How is that for you?

Best,
Talia


From Me to Talia ****************
09/19/2009 @ 3:08PM

Hi Talia,

I looked into neutering but I can’t do that to Lloyd. Anyway, it’s not like he is getting anyone pregnant. I just feel bad that he isn’t getting the release he needs. I hope Rocky can help him out!

As a preview, can you send a pic of Rocky? I want to see if it gets Lloyd excited so we don’t waste each other’s time only to find they don’t have any chemistry.

I think there is a good chance since Lloyd definitely has a thing for poodles. I have a stuffed poodle and in anticipation of the big date I brought it out and Lloyd was all over it. It’s a good thing I sealed all the orifices or else things would have been pretty messy.

Ned


From Talia **************** to Me
09/19/2009 @ 5:25PM

Do you mean that your dog wants to have sex with my dog? I didn’t think dogs can be gay.

Talia


From Me to Talia ****************
09/21/2009 @ 1:18PM

Hi Talia,

I’m pretty sure they can be. I’m pretty much an expert on mammalian homosexuality. No offense. Also, I did an online quiz to “check how gay your dog is” and apparently Lloyd is 87% gay. I showed him the evidence and he told me it was true.

I figure he might as well just be himself so I’m encouraging him to go 100% gay. I’m really proud of his development, he’s even redesigned his dog house with Victorian satin curtains and a Carolingian style vaulted ceiling. I’ve been taking him to gay-friendly dog parks, letting him shop more often, and walking him around in gay areas of town solely to make Lloyd feel more accepted. Its a sacrifice that I know I’m obliged to make for him. It’s making me feel a lot better knowing he is with his effeminate kind.

I’ve cleaned up the house and put on more show-tunes and Clay Aiken at home. The only downside has been that I obviously can’t play fetch with Lloyd anymore since he’s lost his athleticism. I’ve even put him on a vegetarian diet even though I can’t figure out if it’s true that that makes you gay.

Ned


From Talia **************** to Me
09/22/2009 @ 8:59PM

Haha Ned…I don’t think you can take online polls like that so seriously. I have never heard of a dog being gay. In any case, Rocky isn’t gay so I don’t think it will be a good match.

Sorry :)


From Me to Talia ****************
09/25/2009 @ 6:55PM

Hi Talia,

Oh don’t worry. Lloyd isn’t going to mind. You are forgetting that despite his gayness, he is a massive and muscular beast with Broadway muscles. He is highly trained and can take down a small black bear. Fact: this happened. Disclaimer: I sort of already stabbed the bear with my dagger.

Anyway, as long as you bring Rocky over, I’m pretty sure Lloyd will be able to have his way with him. No offense.

Ned


From Talia **************** to Me
09/28/2009 @ 11:04AM

Sorry Ned. I don’t really want Lloyd raping my dog. Just not what I’m looking for. Hope you understand!


From Me to Talia ****************
10/02/2009 @ 10:27AM

Hi Talia,

Please don’t be so brash. Lloyd, despite what you may think, is quite a casanova. I was just saying IF Rocky resists then Lloyd would dominate him like Apollo Creed in the first half of the movie. However, I think it is highly unlikely Rocky will be able to resist Lloyd’s bulging muscles and slick hide. I know I couldn’t if I were a dog (is that weird? lol).

Bring Rocky over Saturday. I promise it’ll be a great time for all parties involved!

Ned


From Talia **************** to Me
10/02/2009 @ 11:47AM

Sorry. Not going to happen.

Goodbye Ned


From Me to Talia ****************
10/04/2009 @ 10:06AM

Hi Talia,

Lloyd could really use a companion…are you and Rocky sure?

Ned


From Me to Talia ****************
10/09/2009 @ 6:26PM

Guess you are too busy to respond. I put him down. Thanks for the tip on the chocolate, worked like a charm.

If you think Rocky might want to see what he passed up, I have Lloyd on display in my front window. I can give you my address…maybe you’d like to have Rocky immortalized too?

Ned


From Talia **************** to Me
10/09/2009 @ 7:44PM

You should have neutered him! That’s terrible!!!!


From Me to Talia ****************
10/10/2009 @ 11:53AM

No, Talia! This is all on you. You, Rocky, and your homophobic prejudice.

Ned