I'm an American of Latino descent, which means I could get deported at any time by a frenzied, anger-fueled mob led by a potentially naked Lou Dobbs. I'm half Cuban and half Puerto Rican, so I can salsa dance really well and spray paint an entire subway train in under three minutes. I love Reno 911, the Groundlings, UCB, and all kinds of sandwiches. I love sandwiches. I really do. The simplicity yet varied texture of their design. The myriad of tastes and ham-to-cheese combinations...I could go on forever. I think I'm gonna make me a sandwich and rub it all over my body.