Abby Elliott

You're so pretty and funny. You're really pretty, and all of your impressions are hilarious and spot on. And you're REALLY PRETTY.... more »

You're so pretty and funny. You're really pretty, and all of your impressions are hilarious and spot on. And you're REALLY PRETTY. Honestly. You're the perfect woman. When meet girls, the first thing I do is compare them to you. I once dated a girl who had a completely bland and uninteresting personality just because she kind of looked like you. Even when SNL isn't all that funny, I watch it anyways in order to see your face. I've never felt this way about a famous person before... You probably get this a lot. But I just wanted you to know that there was someone out there who truly loved everything about you.

I would like to begin by saying that I do in fact love you. However I am not your papi, and my love is conditional. Here are just a few... more »

I would like to begin by saying that I do in fact love you. However I am not your papi, and my love is conditional. Here are just a few of those conditions:1)You have to stay funny, at ALL times. 2)You are never allowed to do another bit involving chicken EVER again. 3)You must grow out your arm-pit hair under your right arm only, and condition it daily with jojoba oil. 4)Within five years you must be the star of a major motion picture, or I will leave you for Sarah Silverman (even though she will never be the star of a major motion picture)You will never get the full list,I want to keep you on your toes, always wondering if you are doing enough to keep my love. And just to let you know you're NOT! So if you want to save this relationship it's up to you to put in the work, and soon cuz you ain't gettin any younger!